Around 34 weeks the midwives at the birth center give every preggo a list of essentials needed for after our little miracles are born. Now I’m not really sure what I thought was going to happen after I gave birth, I guess you bleed, like a lot, and my cute little panties I always wear aren’t going to make the cut. I was thinking I’d throw on a nice pair of boy shorts with a panty liner and be on my way, but apparently you need a few pairs of sturdy, big ol granny panties and like a shit ton of huge overnight pads!
After taking an underwear inventory I realized I only own thongs, cheekies, and more thongs so I decided it was time to make a shopping trip. No way was I going to make a trip to Victoria’s Secret to buy cute, expensive panties that are just going to get ruined, so I set out for an adventure to Walmart. (Walmart trips in Statesboro Georgia are always an adventure...)
At Walmart I walked straight to the underwear isle. I really wanted to get in and out of there as fast as I could. My plan was to buy those underwear that come in packs of 6. I just wanted to grab them and go, but the underwear isle was more daunting then I expected. There wasn't just one style of granny panties. Nope. There are high-rise grannies, low rise-grannies, hipster grannies, boy-short grannies, and bikini-grannies! And to make matters worse it seemed like Walmart only carried sizes L to XXL.
After spending 15 minutes deciding on a style and searching for what seemed like the only size small in the store, I found a winner! I shoved the panties under my reusable shopping bag so no one would see them, I know it’s stupid but I was embarrassed by my purchase.
When I exited the isle I realized there was another underwear display, this one was right out in the open. It had packs of underwear that had 2 bonus pair, meaning you got 8 panties for the price of 6! I really can’t resist a deal so I put my embarrassment aside and started searching for another size small in the low-rise style. At the bottom of the display I found the only size small. I threw them in my basket and aimed for the checkout line. I walked about three steps when some old man stops me, looks in my cart at the underwear, then at my stomach, then says to me “I’m sure those panties are for when you’re in the hospital, right? A pretty girl like you wouldn’t really wear those.”
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I just stared at him for the most awkward amount of time. Like, what do you even say to that?!?! After my brain processed the whole situation, I did what I always do in awkward settings, I hit him with a classic nervous Sterling laugh, “haha,” and walked away.
My underwear shopping experience got even worse when I got home and Ryan saw my new purchase. He just laughed at me and my new panties. Then he laughed harder when I put them on. Thanks babe…
After trying the huge underwear on (are these really a small?) I know why people wear granny panties, It’s because they’re way more comfortable than anything I’ve ever bought at Victoria’s Secret. It’s kind of nice not having a string up your behind all the time. I mean I’m not going to wear them forever, and I'll still be a loyal VS girl. But for right now they’re what’s appropriate and I’m sure my bottom will appreciate them for the first few weeks postpartum. Besides, who says I can’t make granny panties sexy anyway!